Showing posts with label United States. Show all posts
Showing posts with label United States. Show all posts

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Pulling myself up

Rock climbing (B&W)
Rock climbing (B&W) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
During my hostel days, which ended not that long time ago, I did or rather was unable to do something that put me to shame. The nightmare lasted with me until yesterday where I finally, through my actions, put it to rest.

It was the dead of a summer night. Around 2 am I woke up with my stomach groaning like a hungry lion. I tried my best at forcing myself to sleep but since my stomach just wouldn’t listen I had no choice. Being the first year at college our block was locked up to avoid any seniors entering and ragging us. Who said ragging doesn’t exist? It just gets invisible when handled with an official notice. Since I had nothing to eat and no one around was awake I had to tread the untreaded path – jump off my 1st floor balcony and stealthily move to the night canteen; a small place that served basic stuff to eat till the wee hours of the morning.

Getting off the balcony was easy. I moved on to my first floor window sill and using the horizontal beams to hang on, which were there more for the design than the support; I jumped down landing perfectly on my two feet. “That wasn’t hard I thought to myself.” After devouring the food I ordered (even the basic things taste yummy when you’re hungry) I made the way back. 

No how would I climb back up? I thought to myself. The same way I came down? Is there any other way? No. Fine. Here we go. I got on to the ground floor window sill. That gave me the needed height to make the jump for the beams present. Once I got a hold on them I had to pull myself up and get on to my window sill. It was nothing from there. Pulling myself up was the only challenge. 

Using all the energy in me, which was high compared to when I jumped down, I jumped and lurched onto one of the beam. I had to quickly pull myself up or the force of gravity would make sure I had no energy left. I pulled myself, gave it all I had. My head which was nowhere to the level of the beam suddenly began to make its presence felt. My eyes were now over the beam and all I could see was hope. I needed a push, somehow. My hands were giving way and I couldn’t feel the ground beneath my feet. Having lost hope I let go and came down with a thud. The thud was not loud enough to make the entire hostel take notice, but was loud enough to awaken some of my mates. 

Since giving up is not something I know, I tried again, but failed everytime. In this whole process, I gained an audience – all my mates had now occupied front row seats to my ongoing dismal performance. “Josh mein aake kud gaya”. “Kya Nelton, tu apne aap ko hi nahi utha sakta? You can’t even pull yourself up?” were the few comments I could catch. Needless to say, they stung like darts. One of my friends was kind enough and jumped down to help me. He let me stand on his shoulders and try to get over the beam. I tried that too and it was of no use. I didn’t have an iota of strength to give it another shot. Finally, after trying for an hour, having no other way I woke the watchman who was guarding my block. Jumping out of your block was an offence. Getting caught was a bigger one. The watchman opened his eyes and having realized what had transcended started with his rant. Luckily for me, he didn’t go to the complaining part and quietly let me in. I went straight to my bed and bid the night farewell. The days that followed were marked with constant jibes at me. All I did was keep quiet. Days turned to months and months to years, people forgot that incident but me. 

Yesterday, on an adventure at the Sanjay Gandhi National Park at Borivali, Bombay, history had repeated itself. I had a 20 feet feature that stood as a test of whether I was still the same as in hostel or not. I set my shoe-clad foot on a small edge and raised myself. But before I could get on to another point I slipped and slid down. I kept trying but somehow I just couldn’t get a grip. A little bit up but a lot more down. Sensing the impatience, I requested the next participant for a final try. I took off my shoes and took the first step, then the next. Before I knew it I was a decent 3 feet above the ground. I was off but the end wasn’t anywhere near. My body was starting to give way and my mind all clogged up. I remembered my hostel incident and that did it all. This was one way of burying a memory and I was going to let the chance go. 

Clearing my mind I said to myself, “Come on, you can do it. One step at a time, take your own time. There are no Oscars to win here.” The crowd below got behind me.  Cheers of “Nelton, Nelton” filled the air. Slowly, little by little, I went from one point to another, rising higher and reaching closer. I now only had the final few steps before me and victory would be mine. But what I didn’t have was the energy. My stamina quota was exhausted and all I wanted was to rest. “Could I just be pulled up by someone” I thought. But that would mean giving up right? A perfect case of ‘So close, yet so far’. Giving up is something I didn’t know and I wanted to keep it that way. “Come on Nelton, you can do it”. I looked up and searched for another hold. I raised my aching hand and reached for it. Moving my weight I got onto a better hold. I could see the person at the top smiling at me. Come on he said. I held on to the final hold and pulled myself up. Pulling 80kgs is tough but there was a lot more weight in the mind which I was pulling. One, two and three and there I was. With my face covered in sweat, a stained tee, a body aching at every point and no energy left I stood victorious at the top with a cheering crowd below. I had finally pulled myself up.  

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Saturday, December 10, 2011

To help guys escape from shopping escapades!!!!

Hats off to Mr. Samsel…..



This is why women should not take men shopping against their will……………….
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of diapers and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2 : Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least.

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

Regards,
Tom Richards
Walmart Manager

Practicality

A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude".



The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi John. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire! last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."



The group was silent for a moment. Then the pastor said, "That's so sad I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer, after much thought said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"



Lesson: No emotions please, only practicality works here.

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Hell

An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.

He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"







"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen..."


Sunday, October 09, 2011

My Mom, My Love

After 21 years of marriage, I discovered a new way of keeping alive the spark of love. A little while ago I had started to go out with another woman. It was really my wife's idea. "I know that you love her," she said one day, taking me by surprise. "But I love YOU," I protested.

"I know, but you also love her."The other woman who my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well?" she asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

"I thought that it would be pleasant to pass some time with you," I responded.

"Just the two of us."

She thought about it for a moment then said "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous.

When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited at the door with her coat on.

She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.

"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting". We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.

After we sat down, I had to read the menu to her. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entrée, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me.

A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used t o have to read the menu when you were small," she said.

"Then it's time for you to relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner we had an agreeable conversation, nothing extraordinary - but catching up on recent events of each others lives. We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you". I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her.

Some time later I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.

An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I was almost sure that I couldn't be there but, nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant to me. I love you."

At that moment I understood the importance of saying, in time: "I LOVE YOU" and giving our loved ones the time that they deserve.

Nothing in life is more important than God and your family and friends.

Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time".

Someone once said "I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I think this is true with your in-laws, grandchildren, sisters, brothers and your friends. Anyone that means something to you-you should spend time with them and let them know how much they mean to you as often as you can

"A smile is nearly always inspired by another smile."

"Never Play With The Feelings Of Others Because You May Win The Game But You Will Surely Lose The Person For Life Time."


Treasure what you have right now

From the beginning, the girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy, saying that it had got to do with his family background & that the girl would have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him. Due to family pressure, the couple quarreled often. Though the girl loved the guy deeply, she always asked him: "How deep is your love for me?" As the guy was not good with words, it often caused the girl to be very upset. With that & family pressure, the girl often vented her anger on him. As for him, he only endured it in silence. After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl:

"I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?" The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he left, they got engaged. The girl went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, pursuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it was hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while the girl was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realized that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she thought of some comforting words, but realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. She had lost her voice....

The doctor said that the impact on her brain had caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents comfort she broke down. During the stay in the hospital it was just her silent cry that accompanied her.

Upon reaching home, everything seemed to be the same except for the specially assigned ring tone of the phone which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She did not wish to let the guy know & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she did not wish to wait any longer. With that, she sent the engagement ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of letters, countless phone calls; but all the girl could do was cry.... The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.

In a new environment, the girl learnt the sign language & started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She requested her friend not to let him know what had happened to her. Since then, there wasn't any news of him. A year passed by & her friend came with an envelope, containing an invitation card for the guy's wedding. The girl was shattered. When she opened the letter, she saw her name in it instead. When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language to tell her "I've spent a year to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You." With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The girl finally smiled.

Treat every relationship as if it's the last one, then you'll know how to give. Treat every moment as is it's the last day, and then you'll know how to treasure. Treasure what you have right now, or else you will regret one day...


Monday, October 03, 2011

What's my name?

A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology.

After one week, a test was held.

The professor passed out a sheet of paper divided into four squares.

In each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird's legs.

No bodies, no feet, just legs. The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs.

The student sat and stared at the test getting angrier every minute.

Finally he stomped up to the front of the classroom and threw the test on the teacher's desk.

"This is the worst test I have ever given."

The teacher looked up and said: "Young man, you have flunked the test. What's your name?"

The student pulled down his pant showing his legs and said: "You tell me !!! "


Saturday, September 24, 2011

A crazy guys fix

One truck driver was doing his usual load delivery at a mental hospital, by parking his vehicle beside an open drain. He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to return from the mental hospital. He jacked up the truck and removed the flat Tyre to fix the spare Tyre.


When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the four bolts in the open drain. As he cannot fish the bolts in the open drain, he started to panic as to what should be done?

Just then, one patient happened to walk past him and asked the driver as to why he was looking troubled. The driver thought to himself, since there is nothing much he can do or this mental joker can. Just to keep the bugging away, the truck driver informed the whole episode to the mental patient and gave a helpless look.

The patient just laughed at the truck driver and said you just cannot even fix such a simple problem? No wonder you are destined to remain a truck driver for life. The truck driver was astonished to hear such a compliment from a mental guy.

Here is what you can do said the mental guy. Take one bolt from each of the remaining three Tire’s/wheels and fix it on to this Tyre. Then drive down to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones. Isn't it simple my friend!!!!

The truck driver was so impressed with this quick fix answer and asked the patient, how come you are so smart and intelligent and you are here at the mental hospital?

The patient replied...hello friend! I stay here because I am crazy but not stupid.

No wonder, there are some people, who behave like the Truck Driver, thinking that others are just stupid. So, guys, though you all are learned and wise, but, just watch out, there could be some CRAZY guys in our professional / personal lives, who could give us lot of quick fixes and brush our wisdom.



Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Polish Divorce

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.

One day he rushed into a lawyers office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand.
Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.


I mean what are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it says:
Polish Remover!!!


Friday, September 09, 2011

A case of a kiss and a slap

A Manager, his Assistant, one old woman and her young daughter are travelling in a train and during the course of time get themselves introduced to each other and become temporary friends.

The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel.

The women and the Assistant are sitting there looking perplexed.

The Manager is bending over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

The Old woman is thinking:
These Managers are all crazy after girls. He must have kissed my daughter in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.

The Young girl is thinking:
The Manager must have tried to kiss me but kissed my mother instead and got slapped.

The Manager is thinking:
Damn it. My Assistant must have kissed the young girl. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.

The Assistant is thinking:
If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap my Manager again. The Rascal keeps harassing me in the Office.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Why Are Americans Jobless?

John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 a.m.

While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN PHILIPPINES ) .
He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN
VIETNAM). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA ), then he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO ) to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA ), he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY ) filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia ) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA ), John decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL ) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE ) and turned on his TV (MADE IN KOREA ), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA .

AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM HIS PRESIDENT (MADE IN KENYA )

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Rocks, Pebbles and Sand

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him.

When class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks - rocks about 2" in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The students laughed.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, and your children-anything that is so important to you that if it were lost, you would be devastated. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your energy and your time on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing.

There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal." "Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

A class in Theology

A group of kids, with some in their early childhood, came to the church on a war footing  to meet the Parish priest. “Where is the parish priest???” they enquired. “Down the corridor, in the room on the right” the sacristan replied looking at the anger on their face coupled with great dejection, without raising a question. The kids knocked on the door. “Come in” said the priest wondering who came to visit him at this hour in the morning. “Father, we're angry, very angry with God”. The priest thinking that this was not an ordinary issue folded his newspaper and kept it aside along with his cup of tea. “Why, what happened”. “Father, do you know, our cat was very sick. We prayed to God, so much, every day, every single day so he would cure him of his sickness. We showed him to the doctor, gave him medicines, took great care of him but to no avail. God has failed us. We are very angry with Him. Now we demand an answer as to why God did this. Tell us Father, tell us.”

Rounding up the kids the priest began explaining the concepts of life and death and theology. After going on and on, one of the kids; the youngest; held the arm of his sister who was standing right next to him and jerked it. With big eyes his sister chided him “Pay attention”. The boy tried paying attention again but again his patience ran out. He again gave his sister’s arm a jerk, this time he pulled it so hard that his sister’s ear was right next to his mouth. “This Father doesn't know anything!”

Sensing that the kids were not able to understand what he was saying and were getting restless by the minute he said, “You know God really loved the cat a lot and he couldn't do without it, hence he took it back. Your cat is now with God and in the best of health and happiness”. Hearing this the kids went back home happy and delighted that now their cat was with God and doing well.

Moral of the story – Always know your audience and speak to them in a language they understand. When you go fishing you don’t put a piece of pizza as a bait but a worm. Why? Because a fish doesn't know what pizza is but surely knows what a worm is.


Saturday, June 11, 2011

Angie, my star

You are a star, a star that twinkles far,
Oh u seen only at nights.
I hate this world if it's not night

You have self luminary, you need no one for existence.

You give me light, show me the way
You are stable to appear, burning within
I always tell you :-
You have a worth which you need not to prove. Sun is a star it shines for all, you are my Sun my day's start owe to you

People are mean to you, they cheer moonlight
Poor they don't know moon's behavior over fortnight .

You are stable you are calm
You can make fortunes of all
You are a star born to guide nd lead

You are the aim, I want to reach !
You rule my skies. Be there at high

The tears in my eyes while I look at you far from you., lower than you.

I will burn off this distance my time will come. I will reach till you. Your twinkles are mine

Sunday, June 05, 2011

Blessing in disguise...

Aisa kabhi hua nahi

Umeed ne yun kabhi chua nahi

Baras gayi boondein phir se

Zindagi ne abhi sath choda nahi



Rango se Bhari baatein

Sitaro se bhari raatein

Gaa raga hai Mann mera

Mil Gaya ho sab jaise



Pal Jo hai ye beete na kabhi

Khawab ye tute na kabhi

Reh jaye bas hamari yaadein

Bas itni hai meri fariyaadein



Mili hai duniya

Aaj aasama hai sath mere

Chu Lu sare taare.

Kahi Kho na jaye sare



Thrilled with joy

Efforts paid off

Zillon seconds of restlesness

Settled with height of happiness



Wana hop to the top

Heart did a prod

Eyes appreciated gently

And finally Face waved a smile :)



Damn...it feels so Gud

Can easily bet my seconds for this

Ziindagi ja tu thehar

Jara ghum Lu Mai Tera shehar

Gajab tha wo lamha

Dekha jab Maine kal apna



Din dhala to hum dhale

diya raat ne aasra

Dikhya Chand ne raasta

Diya uss badal ne sath

Samjh hi nahi aaya aanshu the ya barsat



Life completes it's circle

Hasna Rona phir Rona aur phir hasna

Anupam learned the hard way

Atleast the insane is on the bay :)



celebrate the victory....KEEP ROCKING U MORON
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