Addiction

I really don’t quite remember when and where it all started. I must have been around nine or ten. Initially, it was all new and tough to take in but as the days progressed, I found my feet and got into the groove. It was my classmates in school who introduced me to this world. I would call them friends as they showed me the way to lifelong happiness and contentment. My friends were the outcasts of the school; always left alone and neglected by all, except by the group to which they belonged. This group was always known to bunk classes and supposedly hole up in their secret hideouts doing things they were known for - lost in a world of their own and having lost consciousness of everything and everyone around them.

As luck may have it, curious and intrigued by their way of life, I befriended them and entered their world. I realized they were a happy lot and nothing in the world could make them sad. I hoped to make just a quick entry and exit, but life had other plans. It was as if I was engulfed by this world. One went to two; two became four and the series continued. The more I tried to pull out, the more I got pulled in. Constant fighting at home and bad academic grades made my new found world attractive. In this world, there were no compulsions and no obligations. I was always the super-hero slaying beasts, demons and villains alike. Here, everything was perfect and reality was left far behind.

Soon, my association with the ‘cult’ group was known to all. Stories of my borrowing, begging and at times even stealing money to satisfy my addiction started doing the rounds. Summons were issued to my parents. Constant scolding from teachers and parents became the order of the day. My classmates maintained an arm’s length distance from me adding pain to my misery. But I couldn’t do anything. I just couldn’t resist the temptation. The intoxication was heavy and the addiction strong.

Time passed by and I finally graduated from school and college. As far as my grades were concerned, I had maintained the fantastic ‘just passed’, border-line passing percentage; a feat in its own right. The addiction was so heavy and prolonged that it took its toll on my health. At times, I would cry; at times jump around happily with a new sense of vigour; at times I would be dead silent and blank-faced. Total neglect of my food and health made matters worse. I had no social life and locked myself up paying no heed to the constant pleading of my near and dear ones. Relatives and family friends blamed my addiction for my condition and convinced my parents to get me married to bring me on the right track. Proposals though few, started coming in. A girl was soon chosen and a date decided.

The girl, beautiful and although modern, was the homely type. She always kept my parents happy which helped to reinforce their faith in her. I must confess that she was up to her task of changing me right away. She would cook my favourite dishes, spend quality time with me and make sure that I was always comfortable. I am not sure whether she did this out of love or out of obligation but she did it well and that too without anything in return. Over the years, despite her repeated attempts, nothing changed. I was still the same. She, probably out of frustration and despair gave up on the idea of changing me. There was dead silence between us. Once my parents left for their heavenly abode and with no one else to speak to, she made frequent visits to her parents place. Her visits, which were only for a few days initially, went on for months together as the years passed. However, in spite of her absence, she made sure I was well maintained. One day, she gave me the news that I was to be a father. Though happy, I was honestly least expecting it. Fatherhood meant having to sacrifice more things than one. Money had increased in value. My wife begged me to give up my addiction and welcome the new born. “All these years I have never asked for anything but this.” I guess I was obligated to grant her wish as I had promised my parents that I would always keep her happy and would fulfil her every desire.

I slowly and steadily gave up my addiction and got whole-heartedly involved in the upbringing of my child. I locked up all the things that had kept me company for all these years; guess I could never let them go forever. Before I could realize, my child had grown into a handsome school going boy scoring good grades and often reminding me of my younger days. However, he had one quality I wish he never had – the same old curiosity. In my absence, he entered the room that was forbidden and unlocked the chest he should never have. From there on, just like me, he too was lost forever in that ever so-beautiful world where there’s nothing that’s impossible and life is all so perfect; in that magnificent world of reading books.

To read more stories or purchase the book visit Amazon

Old Age – Second Childhood

The following is an excerpt of the article I wrote on Parentous.com - the fastest growing parenting community, on my father's illness and that trying period. More importantly it deals with how parents forget the same lessons they once taught their children. You may read the complete article at http://bit.ly/17v6Q44.

Please leave your footprints by commenting.

I was on my way home from a hard and tiring day at office. The new regiment and the workload was killing me. Moreover, the constant worry regarding the deteriorating health of my father was weighing me down. Utterly exhausted to the extent, where I was unable to move a finger, I took a seat in the local train.

Suddenly, my phone rang and as if I had dug into an unknown reserve of energy, I answered the call in a jiffy with only the worst going through my mind. “Nelton, Dada’s serious. They’re shifting him to the hospital again.” My fears had come true, when I received the news from my sister who was seven seas away. I asked her to stay calm and called up home.

Telling another to keep calm is easy, compared to telling yourself

As the number of rings increased, my anxiety and desperation increased. Telling another to keep calm is easy, compared to telling yourself. Since, no one answered my call, I sent a text message and waited patiently thinking about my father and how bad the last month had been.

My thoughts were broken with desperate hues and cries by a lady who saw her elderly father slip, while entering the train at a station. Continue reading.

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Love is all,you ever need...!!!

There’s nothing wrong in having a coldhearted feeling for someone. You won’t be called fraudulent for rejecting someone, who loves you whole heartedly. But have you ever thought why, We the human beings who crave for a little love and a glimpse of affection from everybody around at times run away from people who genuinely care?
We tend to regard them as smitten and ignore them. We strain to endure with someone whom we think is suitable for us or those we feel we are compatible with. But my question is what’s wrong with the person whom you rejected?  Can Love be the reason of being neglected?
There may be various reasons for you to reject someone. I would request the readers to be ready with their analytical glasses by the time I end up with this story.
Anisha was talking to her best friend Sobha about her indifferent past.
Sobha: Gosh! He loved you…didn’t you feel for him anytime?
Anisha: You know he was a good guy…but far too much sentimental to my liking…I feared he might do something…you never know anything about these emotional guys.
Sobha: Why what happened?
Anisha: You know I liked him but I felt he was too much possessive, would often say I would do anything for you and would die for you if need arises and such craps like that.
Sobha:  That’s a speech every Romeo in town has, on their lips…but you were in contact with him for more than 2 years. Did you feel about his possessiveness during that period?

Anisha: No! He was actually a nice guy; helpful and friendly nothing of that sort…didn’t even look or stare at girls.
Sobha: Then why do you think he was possessive?
Anisha: I think long distance was hurting him and he would often say…if I won’t marry you I will die…he would often speak about death…I felt it won’t be good to stick with someone who is so rueful about life…sometimes I felt he’s gone crazy and would do anything.
Sobha: Any such instance?
Anisha: You know out of a bloom he came up to my city once and called me to meet…I denied, thinking he might throw acid on me as I had told him I have a boy friend and I don’t love him anymore.
Sobha: Ok… what did he do then?
Anisha: He said he would come up to my house and speak up to my parents.
Sobha: What did you do then?
Anisha: I was afraid as I didn’t want him to meet my parents and I had my medical exams on board… I told if he really loves me and wants me to be happy…he should go away.
Sobha: What did he do then?
Anisha:  He went away…without disturbing me any further.
Sobha: So he didn’t try to contact again?
Anisha: Yes he did.
Sobha: What did you speak to him?
Anisha: I told him to forget me as I was happy without having any contact with him. I told him I have an important person in my life and I don’t want him to disturb my happy life.
Sobha:  What did he do then?
Anisha:  You won’t believe what he actually did…he contacted the person I liked and asked him to keep good care of me and then he never came between us.
Sobha: So he never tried to contact you?
Anisha: You know, I knew him since school and therefore there were many common friends whom he would ask about me.
Sobha: So what did you do?
Anisha: In my last conversation with him I told him frankly I don’t like him contacting my friends regarding me and because of him I couldn’t keep in touch with my friends.
Sobha: So what did he do?
Anisha: He stopped contacting my friends.
Sobha: That’s the end right?
Anisha: Yes.
Sobha: Do you think he might still have the same feelings for you?
Anisha: I don’t know.
Sobha: Do you really believe that there’s a person in this world whom god has sent for you and he would do everything just to be with you?
Anisha: Might be…but I haven’t met any such person till date.
Sobha: How do you know?
Anisha: I never felt like spending my life with any person.
Sobha: Ok…I understood everything…who is the most important person in your life?
Anisha: How is it related to the topic? Anyways the answer is my Parents.
Sobha: Suppose for some reason…i hope it never occurs in your life….your parents want to break all their contacts with you…say for your decision for marrying someone whom they don’t like…what will you do?  
Anisha: First of all I will never go against my parents decision…so no question of getting into such a phase. Sobha: I am only talking of an incidence just for an imagination what would you do…to have you parents in your life?
Anisha: Ok….i would talk to them…would discuss about in details and would make them realize the importance that’s it’s my life and I should be happy with the person whom I choose to marry.
Sobha: Suppose your parents don’t agree…and you have failed in each and every attempt to convince them…what will be your final talk? You cannot leave either the person you love or your parents.
Anisha:  I will ask my parents to divide me into two halves one to keep with themselves and the other with the person I love.
Sobha: Did you realize what you spoke just now? Not only you…it is applicable to each and every person in this world…when you want someone in your life desperately you try your best to be with that person…you try to convince them as much as you can…if you couldn’t, you try to take advantage by being emotional…if it also fails …the last thing available for you is to speak about your life/death. And by far what I heard he did the same thing.
Anisha: Whatever you are saying may be true he may have genuine feelings for me but you know I don’t feel anything for him. I told him about it and if he couldn’t take it as I intended what can I do for it?
Sobha: It’s not that you told him this in the first instance…you have even accepted his proposal…if I am not mistaken.
Anisha: I was just checking him out…I had no feelings…I thought if I speak those 3 words to him I may feel the love for him…but I didn’t.
Sobha: If you don’t have any feelings for him…you did the right thing…but what about him…I don’t know whether you believe or not but Love happens only once and there are few people who give their heart and soul to it. He kept on your vows and gladly accepted each and every term you kept against him without a question. He went away from you, your life and your friends because you wanted him to be out of your life.
 
Anisha: But where is my fault?
Sobha: It’s not about finding faults…it’s about a person’s life. You did whatever you wanted you wanted from your life. You were not ready for a relationship and frankly speaking the way I feel you felt yourself burdened or chained to go into a relation…you wanted to enjoy life, be free like a bird as you didn’t want to get serious about love.
Anisha: Yes…that’s what I believed all my life.
Sobha: But did you realize what imprints you left on his heart? Do you think he would lead a normal life?  

Anisha:  What can I do about it?
Sobha: I am not asking you to do anything, just for a moment think… if you were in his place what will you do? How would you feel…how would you react? What if, he still loves you? You never know he might still be waiting for you.
Anisha: I don’t want to get into this awkward situation…please.
Sobha: I know it’s better to keep oneself at a safe distance from any undue troubles but did he actually harm you in anyway?
Anisha: Why are you asking this?
Sobha: The way I see it…earlier you ignored him because he was sentimental about you, after a while you kept him away from your life feeling he might harm you for rejecting him and now I believe you are not ready to even find out whether he still loves you or not because you are egoistic. You don’t want to fall before your ego.
Anisha: No…it’s nothing like that.
Sobha: Then what stops you from trying to contact him and see if he actually has the same feeling for you.  

Anisha: Why would I do that?
Sobha:  Don’t you think there was something incomplete about your story? Don’t you think there’s something missing? Don’t you think your inner soul have a grudge upon you? Don’t you think you were too stubborn? Do you really feel a person who loved you so much deserves this negligence? Don’t you feel a love story can never end like this?
Anisha: Why are you speaking all these things?
Sobha: You are a very good friend of mine and therefore I believe…you should try to contact him once. You are pretty and am sure many people might have proposed you but have you ever seen or even heard any person reacting the way he did?
Anisha: I told you he doesn’t seem to be normal.
Sobha: When you love someone whole heartedly…you can never be like a normal person.
Anisha: what do you mean?
Sobha: loving someone doesn’t mean you are bowing to someone. You never fall for letting go your gut feeling and accepting the one who loves you. Love is not bounded by anybody’s ego.  Love is serene like the wind which likes to flow uninterrupted and the way you disrupted its flow I am sure you will feel suffocated if not now than certainly in the very near future.  
Anisha: you and your love philosophies…are impeccable.
Sobha: Anisha think about the entire discussion I had with you today and am telling for your sake only…at least once think from your heart and decide what you have to do with your life. You know love is all you need to live and be happy for your entire life and there are very few lucky people for whom their love waits for them till eternity…!!!


When I was writing about this article I had youth in my mind and India’s 35-40 % population lies in the age group of 18-35. Do you know, what’s the biggest worry for these age group people?  No, career or jobs aren’t their primary stress. They are tensed about their relations. The process of being a couple is the foremost threat to their personal life. When I was thinking about Personal life most of them suffer from the heart ache of a broken relationship or they try to find ways to lament their relations. There are many such examples where a person is at loss just because of their views towards a relationship. I always believe after a person gains a bit maturity he/she does realizes Love is all that they need. And therefore this story is on a person who couldn’t decide upon her life and messed up with the question –“what she really needs.”

Enjoy the poem I wrote specially for this article…Love is all, you ever need
 
Love isn’t a frail to come by,
it’s not a rigid tail to hang by,
it’s like a holy grail to standby,
love Never fails to hail nearby.

Love’s like a dreamy tale to hearsay,
It’s like a rainfall in withered may,
it’s not basking blindfold all the way,
it’s like a Braille as observant say,

Love’s all about hope in dismay,
It’s full of fragrance bestowed in zesty,
It doesn’t believe in hatred or betray,
Love’s eternal and endures all the way.

Love’s an entire soul growing in a seed,
Don’t dethrone it like a petty weed,
Don’t haste love in forbearance greed,
As love is all, you ever need…!!!

My Mom, My Love

After 21 years of marriage, I discovered a new way of keeping alive the spark of love. A little while ago I had started to go out with another woman. It was really my wife's idea. "I know that you love her," she said one day, taking me by surprise. "But I love YOU," I protested.

"I know, but you also love her."The other woman who my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well?" she asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

"I thought that it would be pleasant to pass some time with you," I responded.

"Just the two of us."

She thought about it for a moment then said "I would like that very much."

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous.

When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited at the door with her coat on.

She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.

"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting". We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.

After we sat down, I had to read the menu to her. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entrée, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me.

A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used t o have to read the menu when you were small," she said.

"Then it's time for you to relax and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner we had an agreeable conversation, nothing extraordinary - but catching up on recent events of each others lives. We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you". I agreed.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her.

Some time later I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.

An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I was almost sure that I couldn't be there but, nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant to me. I love you."

At that moment I understood the importance of saying, in time: "I LOVE YOU" and giving our loved ones the time that they deserve.

Nothing in life is more important than God and your family and friends.

Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time".

Someone once said "I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I think this is true with your in-laws, grandchildren, sisters, brothers and your friends. Anyone that means something to you-you should spend time with them and let them know how much they mean to you as often as you can

"A smile is nearly always inspired by another smile."

"Never Play With The Feelings Of Others Because You May Win The Game But You Will Surely Lose The Person For Life Time."

The suffering 'Common Man'

As a daily habit, ten-year old Pintu was reading the newspaper.

Suddenly he asked his father, "Dad! What does 'Governance System?" mean?

"It's like..." his father said while thinking, "See! I earn and bring home the money, that means I am the 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how to spend that money, hence she is the 'Government'. The maid in our house does all the household chores, so she is the 'Labour Class'. You are a 'Common man' or the 'Public'. Your kid brother is the 'Future' or the 'Next Generation', understood?"

That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts in his mind. In the middle of the night he woke-up because his kid brother was crying as he had wetted the matrices. Pintu went to wake-up his mother. She was fast asleep so Pintu went to the maid's room to wake her up. But there his father was sleeping with her. So he came back with frustration.

Next morning Pintu's father asked him, "Hey Pintu Darling! Did you understand the 'Governance System'?"

Pintu replied, "Yeah Dad, I did. Last night, Money Holder was exploiting Labour Class and our Government was sleeping. Future of our nation was crying for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man (I) was suffering.