Why I didn't follow my father's footsteps and join the Merchant Navy

While growing up I was often asked this question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Not sure myself, I would say a computer engineer, a cricketer or some occupation that held my fantasy at that time. Hearing my answer almost everyone would retort “Wouldn’t you want to be an electrical officer or be in the merchant navy like your father?” And I would simply reply in the negative.

The same was true back then and even today. Electrical or electronics never excited me as they always sent shivers down my spine; thanks to the minor shock treatments that I received while fiddling with live wires and appliances. Regarding a job in the merchant navy, given a choice or not I never would take it. And these are my reasons.

Old Age – Second Childhood

The following is an excerpt of the article I wrote on Parentous.com - the fastest growing parenting community, on my father's illness and that trying period. More importantly it deals with how parents forget the same lessons they once taught their children. You may read the complete article at http://bit.ly/17v6Q44.

Please leave your footprints by commenting.

I was on my way home from a hard and tiring day at office. The new regiment and the workload was killing me. Moreover, the constant worry regarding the deteriorating health of my father was weighing me down. Utterly exhausted to the extent, where I was unable to move a finger, I took a seat in the local train.

Suddenly, my phone rang and as if I had dug into an unknown reserve of energy, I answered the call in a jiffy with only the worst going through my mind. “Nelton, Dada’s serious. They’re shifting him to the hospital again.” My fears had come true, when I received the news from my sister who was seven seas away. I asked her to stay calm and called up home.

Telling another to keep calm is easy, compared to telling yourself

As the number of rings increased, my anxiety and desperation increased. Telling another to keep calm is easy, compared to telling yourself. Since, no one answered my call, I sent a text message and waited patiently thinking about my father and how bad the last month had been.

My thoughts were broken with desperate hues and cries by a lady who saw her elderly father slip, while entering the train at a station. Continue reading.

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Getting Even With Dad

As a child I’ve had terrible issues dealing with my father. My father, an electrical officer in merchant navy was someone who only made his appearance somewhere in the middle of the year (read when my school results were declared). On seeing my results he would have only one comment, “You were bad last time, this year you have become worse”.

It was his way or no way.

I somehow could never get my father. What he wanted and how he wanted it. Things had to be done his way for it to succeed. Even if you didn’t and still succeeded, there was still something to hear. The rule was simple, in order to not hear those words you had to do things his way. It was his way or no way.

Where academic performances didn’t take centre stage, my upbringing always got on his nerves. No fixed time to wake up, to sleep, for meals...you may read the entire article on Parentous.com

True Love …….A different Story (final part)

First part is here

{Hindi Words used
Papa: (Dad)
Beta: (Son/Daughter)
Ma: (Mother) }

After hearing the Anup’s story…

Mamoni: Papa you are such a good person…I love you
Anup: I love you too beta.
Mamoni: Papa…what’s the name of that Lady who came last?
Anup: (Almost in jitters) what will you do with her name?
Mamoni: I feel as if she has some relation with you…tell me the name papa.
Anup: you know I never thought I would ever see her again.
Mamoni: Papa you are diverting from the point…tell me her name…
Anup: ok…Her name is Mamoni.
Mamoni: that means I am named after her?
Anup: it’s late…it’s time to go to sleep…will discuss about it afterwards.

That night Mamoni (though she was just a kid) thought for a while and fell asleep after some time.

Next Day after school
Mamoni was waiting for her father…and saw that same lady approaching her

Lady: how are you little princess?
Mamoni: (At the glimpse of Mamoni excitedly) you know my father named me after you.
Lady: I know it little princess…( tears rolled down her eyes)
Mamoni: Why are you crying?
Lady: I just came to see you…today is the last time I would be seeing you…I am going far away.
Mamoni: did you give that nickname to my father?
Lady: (wiping of her tears) yes…but why are you asking this?
Mamoni: you may think I am only a child…but I am much smarter than what you think…I don’t know what’s wrong between Papa and you…but I know Papa loves you.
Lady: (a bit surprised…)No…your Papa loves only you.
Mamoni: I can prove it…for that you have to promise me you won’t go away.
Lady: (bit shocked by seeing this kid’s intelligence) how will you do it?
Mamoni: leave that to me…this weekend me and Papa are going to the amusement park be there at 10.
Lady: ok…(then she realized Anup might be coming and she hurriedly left Mamoni by giving her a kiss at her cheek)

Shortly After Anup arrived
Anup: (holding his ears to Mamoni)  I am so sorry …had a meeting…and I was late.
Mamoni: (ignoring) that’s ok papa common let’s go home.

That weekend…
Anup was driving Mamoni to the amusement park…suddenly saw lady (Mamoni) waving hands in the middle of the road.
Anup: (bit shockingly with amazement) hi, how can I help you?
Lady: My car broke down…can you please give me a lift?
Mamoni: (Jumping off her seat) yes…Papa would be glad to give you a lift…
Lady: (bade thanks to Anup)… she sat on the back seat.
Mamoni: (to the lady) you know we are going to the Amusement park…will you go there…it would be fun.
Before Anup could utter anything…
Lady: I was going there only…heard they set up an amazing amusement game for all ages…
Mamoni: but why are you alone? Why isn’t anybody there with you? No problem…we will accompany you…what do you say papa?
Anup: nodded his head in approval…

At the amusement park

Mamoni was enjoying her carousel ride while Anup and the Lady sat on the bench nearby…Mamoni was over excited, as she raised her hand to wave towards Anup and the lady she fell…Both Anup and the lady rushed to the carousel…the lady grabbed Mamoni to her arms and asked whether she was alright…
Mamoni laughed merrily…and said “I am alright…you know when there is two people to look after me…nothing can happen to me…this is love isn’t it papa (indicating her fingers to Anup)…love only grows with  sharing.”
Anup was dumbstruck to hear these words of his little Mamoni. Anup clutched Mamoni from lady’s hand
Anup: you know I love you and if anything happens to you I won’t be able to live.
Mamoni: Papa nothing can happen to me when you and Mamoni aunty are there for me.

After a while they saw a board…A special fun game was organized to celebrate woman’s day and only Mother with their children were allowed to enter.
Mamoni: Papa I want to go there…please please papa
Anup: we will go some other time beta…
Mamoni: (In tears)…Papa I want to go now…
Anup: (couldn’t see tears on her daughter’s eye) ok…but
Lady: I will go in as Mamoni’s mother…no problem…
Before Anup could speak anything…
Mamoni held Lady’s hand and off she went…happily.
Anup saw her princess chirping as she went along, weird thoughts entangled Anup… ‘Did he want this very thing occurring to his life a decade ago?’
‘Will Mamoni accept him and his little princess?’
‘Will he finally get what he dreamt once?’

Anup was gulped deep and didn’t realize how swiftly an hour went by; his day dreaming was finally arrested when both Mamoni had a hearty laugh seeing him clueless.

After an eventful day for little Mamoni and more so intriguing thoughtful day for Anup …finally they took their way back home after dropping (Elder) Mamoni to her home.
Slowly but surely meetings of Anup and (Elder) Mamoni frequented but Anup didn’t have the courage as he had denied her once (on the day of his birthday party)

Anup didn’t know whether he should approach (Elder) Mamoni and tell her or should he first approach her daughter first.
One fine evening Anup to his Daughter
Anup: Beta…Do you like Mamoni Aunty?
Mamoni: (though she was young but she could understand…you know children nowadays are much smarter than say 15 years back) why Papa?
Anup: Do you feel there’s something lacking in my love…do you think you need or I should say do we need someone in our life?
Mamoni: (with her little sweet perky voice) you know papa you are the best dad in this world. There’s absolutely nothing where you would be asked to improve but you know dad love never diminishes when shared…Love is something which always grows and when you get an opportunity to live your life with your loved ones, one shouldn’t step back. I love Mamoni Aunty a lot and I would love her to come to my life as my mother. Papa I want you and Mamoni aunty to be together…why don’t you marry?
Anup: (Almost in tears seeing her daughter’s wits) I love you beta…but I am wondering whether she would accept my proposal.
Mamoni: Papa…don’t worry, I know Mamoni aunty loves you a lot…I don’t like her calling aunty…I will call her Ma from now on.
Anup: Beta …!!!
Mamoni: what Papa? (She ran toward her bedroom)

The fairy tale story…continued with Anup Proposing (Elder) Mamoni, she accepted the offer gleefully. Their Wedding day was fixed for 5^th August 2011

4^th August 2011.
(On the way to home after dinner)

Mamoni: Papa finally your dream is coming out to be true
Anup:  you know how much I wished for this day all my life…I think god has finally said Ahem to all my dreams (suddenly Anup’s face turned torrid and nervously said) Beta please wear this jacket…it’s cold.
Mamoni: Papa we are inside a car…and I am not feeling cold…
Anup: (Perspiring…opened his jacket with one hand and handed over to Mamoni) wear it Mamoni…and tighten your seat belt.
Mamoni: (felt something unusual) what’s wrong?
Anup: (breathing heavily) God wanted only one Mamoni in my life?
Mamoni :( in shock) what happened papa?
Anup: (queasily) remember my words beta…Papa loves you.

Before Mamoni could utter any word…The car threaded into a tree with a loud thundering blow and everything went in silent after that.

5^th August 2011.
(At the hospital)

(Elder) Mamoni was standing in front of the (younger) Mamoni’s bed post…the moment she opened her eyes (Elder) Mamoni grabbed her in her arms(with tears in eyes) and asked her what had happened yesterday night.
Mamoni narrated the entire incident and as she asked about Anup… (Elder) Mamoni collapsed into the bed saying…'he knew God wanted only one Mamoni in his Life’…(younger) Mamoni was now in tears and was constantly ranting about her Dad…but only got one response from the other End after much exhaustion.
‘From Now on I am your Mom and Dad both.’

(Elder) Mamoni Adopted (Younger) Mamoni as her Daughter and never married again. (Younger) Mamoni in a quest of having a Mother lost her Dad. This Incident Changed Lives of Both Mamoni.

4^th August 2012.
(An hour after praying for Anup’s soul to rest in peace)

(Elder)Mamoni: Papa used to tell about his life to you on his birthday… from now on I will tell you all those stories on this day…
(Younger) Mamoni: Ma…you and Papa were so perfect for each other but why (in Tears)?
(Elder) Mamoni: We were not there for each other when we should have 8 years ago (wiping off (Younger) Mamoni's tears) you have to be strong beta…and  to make you stronger today I will tell you one of our life incidents…
(Younger) Mamoni: Which incident?
(Elder)Mamoni: A story from the time when Anup and I were away from each other…do you know how we broke off from each other?

And (Elder) Mamoni’s Story Continued…!!!

My Intentions for narrating this story wasn’t only to let the readers know what happened to Anup or Mamoni but to let everybody realize there are some relations which are not bound by blood but then also their attachment are stronger than Any relations in this world…Relations which are bonded by soul. Very few people get the second chance in their life to get back to what they have lost in their lives. Don’t Waste a single moment to go back to one’s soul mate. Remember it’s never too late to start a new beginning.

What was the relation?

Anup’s relation with (Elder) Mamoni: yes he loved her but they never married.
Anup’s Relation with (Younger) Mamoni: Anup’s Adopted Daughter whom he loved more than his Life.
(Elder) Mamoni’s Relation to Anup’s Daughter: (younger) Mamoni was no way connected to (Elder) Mamoni except a name…and (Elder) Mamoni readily accepted (younger) Mamoni as her daughter after Anup’s Demise.
(Younger) Mamoni’s relation to Anup And (Elder) Mamoni: Soul Father And Mother

If we look around we are surrounded by our parents, siblings, offspring and other relatives such as cousins, uncles, Aunts, Nephews, nieces these are only a few relations to speak, there’s a long list if I go with all. These are the relations which are given to us by god… the day we are born, we are surrounded by them…do you think you have done justice with your relations? Do you think your love is comparable to that of the above story?

Do spare a moment to think about your relations; this post is basically my salutation to those who have adopted and are not related with blood but are connected by Soul …!!!

“The Greatest and the Most Precious Relations are sometimes not linked by Blood…these are the relations which are unified by Soul”

A Revelation

Introducing a Mother:

Have you ever thought about the pain a mother goes through for her child?
Right from the time a new born is still developing it’s sheen in a mother’s womb till the date when she finally goes off to heaven a mother is someone who always, invariably of her own state tries her best she can for her child.

It’s very difficult for you to lift and hold a weight of 100 grams for few hours but a mother does it not for hours or days or months, she does it for years. Starting from the time a new born is still in her womb, to the moment when her child takes baby steps for the first time till he becomes grown enough to live on its own a mother is striving everything for her son’s/daughter’s well-being in spite of bearing all the pain.
 Talking about physical pain do you know:  A Human body can bear only up to 45 Del (units) of pain. Yet at time of giving birth, a mother feels up to 57 Del (units) of pain. This is similar to 20 bones getting fractured at the same time.  It’s said you can bear physical pain…but this pain is unbearable even for the strongest of men.

Abiding the physical pain for the time being… can you estimate the attachment of a child to her mother?  An infant stops crying just at the glimpse of her mother. A mother remains awaken the entire night just to see her child sleep peacefully.  She would not eat until her child has his/her stomach full. A small injury to a child is clearly visible on the concerned face of mother. She would risk the entire world for the safety and prosperity of her child. The emotional bond of a mother with her child is the strongest of all relations.  When you have become an adult a mother is someone who has umpteen difficulty of eating her own food but would be seen with a glass of water caressing her son’s back on hearing him cough just once. A mother affectionate care can be very well understood from the story below:

Son: Mother, I feel ashamed while introducing you with my friends.
Mother:  Why so, son?
Son: You don’t have an eye and I feel awkward to let my friends know about it.
Mother: It’s all right son. I don’t need to meet your friends.

Every now and then Son would curse her mother for being handicapped. He would ask her what had happened to her. But she would never reply.

One day Mother finally met god after prolonged illness and she left a note for his son

Son,
I know i have never been an ideal mother for you because of my disability. You often ask me how I lost my eye.  I think it’s time I should tell you because if I don’t say it now I would never be able to speak again… son when you were very young you lost one eye while playing with a dagger. I cursed myself for not being able to protect you from losing your eye, consequently I gave my eye to you so that you can see and you won’t have to live with this disability all your life.

After reading it…son was floored with tears and now he could realize what a mother meant. Sadly it’s was too late for him as his mother was no more with him.


Introducing a Father:
First time he took his son into his arms and started crying. Tears are not for men but can you tell me how a man feels while holding his baby in his arms for the first time?  
A father is known as the first love for a daughter and knight for his son. Do you know the reason for this? He is the only person in this world who would hold their palms without any self motive. The only motive he has is the well being for his kid.
A father is someone who will forgo all for his child, a person who is strong, protective and caring. He would be a guide, a leader, a motivator, and a friend whatever you need he is the one for you. 
From a lamb in mother’s arm when you couldn’t eat of your own he was the one who would make you consume your supper with his hands. To a school going chap in shorts who came home crying with a bruised knee he is the one who would articulate you to be strong by applying Dettol at the affected area.  Finally an educated young man in his office inquiring about the incentives from an insurance scheme, a father is the one who will always speak of the most feasible option without giving any minuscule thought about his personal gain. He is the same all the years… he doesn’t change with your financial ability or your maturity. He would always be the one who adores you, cares for you and when everyone turns their backs on you, you will see a father standing beside you…The story below will make you realize the Worth of a father

Son: Dad, My business has blown away and now am in debt and everybody is refusing to give me a single penny. Please tell me dad what shall I do? Where I can get money?
Father:  Son, you Father is still alive don’t worry about the money.

After few Months…Son’s business overcame its losses and was running into profit, all because of the money his father paid for his debt.
Suddenly one day his Father died from a heart attack.
When son met the doctor he came to know that the doctor had warned his father a long time back of his Artery blockages …Son also came to know that his father had agreed for Bypass surgery and had also arranged the money for it but because of some unavoidable circumstances of his business…his father came up to the Doctor one fine morning and told him…”I have become old and one day or the other I have to leave this place but I cannot see my son losing till I am alive. So I have decided to give Money to my son and not for my operation.”

On hearing this Son was rueful…as the only thing that was left with him was the words his father would often speak to him: “One can always acquire the lost money but a life once lost can never be Acquired”

My intentions were not to let the readers know what a mother or a father mean but to cite an eye opening example of the fate our parents have to strain in their old age.
You know the most you can give to  any person is your time and parents are the one who gave their entirety be it their time, money or whatever they had possessed just for your well being …don’t you think you have some responsibilities towards your parents?
Don’t you think they need your respect, time and care if not, anything more during their old age?

Parents who staked their all just for you as you were their only heart and soul and today they have to strain for a painful death just because you don’t have time for them.
Few weeks back I read number of Old age Homes have doubled in the past 3 years …I was so much distressed on reading it that I couldn’t sleep the entire night thinking is this our modern society teaching us? Is this what our parents dream to spend the last few years of their lives? Is the concept of nuclear family means closing the doors for your parents as such either they die on streets or spend in Old age homes?  Is it the reward you give to your parents for realizing your goal to become a respectable person in the society by sending them to old age homes?

I cannot express my agony in words as I am pained to see the plight of our elderly parents.
Parents are most precious of any belonging that belong to us. It’s high time for us to open our eyes and realize the lifelong debt that the parents have on us and feel for their Loss they have been enduring just to make us win. You can never clear off the debts parents have on you even if you spend rest of your life in proposition to what they have done for you. Only thing you can do is to score some plus points for yourself by taking care of them by giving them the adequate Time, Care and respect or else
 Remember one day you will also get old and it will be you on the receiving end…!!!


Parents are the most Precious belonging that we have along with us and we must realize it in time or else we would lose our life in a dilemma of what we have gained and lost in a life worth mentioning…!!!

The suffering 'Common Man'

As a daily habit, ten-year old Pintu was reading the newspaper.

Suddenly he asked his father, "Dad! What does 'Governance System?" mean?

"It's like..." his father said while thinking, "See! I earn and bring home the money, that means I am the 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how to spend that money, hence she is the 'Government'. The maid in our house does all the household chores, so she is the 'Labour Class'. You are a 'Common man' or the 'Public'. Your kid brother is the 'Future' or the 'Next Generation', understood?"

That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts in his mind. In the middle of the night he woke-up because his kid brother was crying as he had wetted the matrices. Pintu went to wake-up his mother. She was fast asleep so Pintu went to the maid's room to wake her up. But there his father was sleeping with her. So he came back with frustration.

Next morning Pintu's father asked him, "Hey Pintu Darling! Did you understand the 'Governance System'?"

Pintu replied, "Yeah Dad, I did. Last night, Money Holder was exploiting Labour Class and our Government was sleeping. Future of our nation was crying for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man (I) was suffering.

A day in my life, the lesson learnt

And life continues to surprise. On and often we encounter such moments which send chills down the spine. They make you feel something. Something which could not be described, for which the words might fall short. The closest we can say is..a Learning. This is one of the encounters I had on one day.

It was an "unusal" day for me, as it started very early in the morning, 4:30 am. With my standards of waking up in the "morning", it was still mid-night. Reason? We were supposed to be the one among the crowd of thousands thronging to be face-to-face with one of Mumbai's famous deities - "Lalbaugh cha Raja", the almighty Ganesha, supposed to be the "Wish Granter". As it was going to be the last day of Ganesh Utsav, we made a point to visit the Lord, so that some of our "wishes" may be granted. Also, there was a zest to see the grandeur for which the venue is famous for. Well, we started fine, reached well, joined the queue among the thousands, prayed to the Lord, snapped a couple of pictures, and started back home. No, This is not what all I wanted to share to be the "learning". Like everyone reading this, even I was informed that the "Moral of the story" was yet to come.

Me, with my wife were to board a local train back to where my home is. We boarded one of the coaches in the train, and realized later that it was meant for handicapped. But, there I met with my greatest surprise in life. A few seconds after we had boarded and got a seat for ourselves entered four members of a family. A young boy of around ten years, followed by his father, followed by his mother, carrying their youngest daughters in her arms. They seated in front of us, and the train started moving. . It took me few seconds to realize the uniqueness of the family. Both the kids were one of the kinds every parent would like to have. Very charming daughter, and a caring son. Add to it, they both were too beautiful. And now the strangest part... both the parents were ..BLIND !!!!

So, when they boarded the train, it was like the game of train we used to play while we were kids...one holding the shoulder of the other in front, and the front one guiding them like the engine. Father holding son's shoulders, mother that of father while the daughter was still in her arms. Both of us just looked at each other, and without uttering a word, again started looking at them. The son was talking to his father, uttering very slowly into his ears, while the mother was busy taking care of the daughter, also seated on the seat, between the father and the mother. They all started having some chips from a packet, sharing among all as if they are like everyone.

After some minutes, my wife broke the silence, asking me a question for which I did not have any answer, and I am sure nobody would have. How did they up bring their kids? There are so many things that need to be done for that..right from giving the right place to sleep to right food to eat. But probably that is the "survial of the fittest"..being described in our science text books in school days. I was just wondering the skills of the woman while she would be cooking food. She surely would be using some tricks to cook her food. Might be smell or something.

For next 20-25 minutes, both of us were silent, thinking of the family and one very important fact. Did the parents knew what they posses? Do they know they have one of the most beautiful daughters in the words with blue-eyes; and so was the young boy. So confident as if he can take care of the family and can guide them on the right track. How many families would be there in Mumbai itself, just waiting to shower all their love for a kind they long for so long, and are constantly visiting multiple doctors, innumerable gods and goddesses for their wishes to be granted, just waiting for that to happen so that their just aim in life would be fulfilled. And there was sitting one family before us, having those wishes, but they could not comprehend the wealth they posses. We have read in school days... Early to bed , Early to rise..makes man healthy, wealthy and wise. The statement was coming true.

My wife said a statement which could make a mind healthy, if not body... "We keep struggling for petty things... See them... What do they have? Everything , but nothing. We are so engrossed in our petty pains that we are miles apart from gross sufferings people have. Ours is just a smallest particle in front of them". Secondly these incidents, if you posses those eyes and mind to read, give you the biggest wealth in life... Containment in what we have. If you can look, touch, communicate and hear things you have, you have the wordly wealth. Offcourse money is a means to cherish it. But their is no end to accumulation, and in that, we tend to forget to cherish what we already have.

But this is beyond "Being Human". Every human needs two things...which the next person has, and the other which the next person does not have. And that is all driving the world today. We finally came back home, and thought we have got the blessings already. We were made to realize we should thank him for what he has given us. For what we don't have, life is still there. Keep the hopes alive !!!