One of the most common proverb that we come across is ‘marriages are
made in heaven’. It’s a miraculous god’s play that we know everybody
from our birth but the one who becomes one’s life partner, we come to
know about her only when the appropriate time comes. Marriages off late
is broadly categorized as love and arranged…but their also exist a third
category & I will let you all know about it along with the pros
and cons of both arranged and love marriage.
Arranged marriages
are regarded as the one which comes from our cultural roots, signifies
where we have come from be it from any religion, caste or culture
whereas love marriages were looked down upon and weren’t accepted by
our fore front ancestors. But if you look at the past you would come
across with many examples of love marriages…well there must have been
some flaws in the traditional system that led to the silent rousing of
love marriages. If we look at the present constitutional rule every male
who has attained the age of 21 and female of 18 has the right to marry
according to their wish and no law or rule can be enforced to devoid
their right to marry according to their choices.
Arranged marriages:
India
the country known for its rich cultural grounds…and going with those
rich culture the culture of arranged marriage had come from ancient
past. In ancient times, in arranged marriages the parents & the
elderly persons of the family decided the match of their ward and the
person concerned had no right to decline or deny the match chosen for
them. With time and wits this traditional system was manipulated a bit,
with a change that the parson to be married is asked about their liking
of their opposite match. But the main concept of choosing their match is
still done by their parents… the most modernistic arranged marriages
are done where the couple chosen by parents are not only asked about
their concern but they are also allowed to spend time with each other,
going to dates and all so that they come to know about each other.
Marriages of this kind are accepted by one and all as it has the backing
of all the concerned members of the family and the society.
But
there are few major flaws in this marriage system. The couples to be
married know each other for only a month or two and it’s very hard to
know one’s competency with the other in such a short notice. Some may
argue that such arranged marriages have been successful and will be so
in the days to come. But if this is the case why are there broken
relations and divorces in the society? One may conclude where there are
pros there will be cons and the rate of divorces are very low. But if
you look at the statistics the rates have grown more than the population
rate of the country. If the old theory is correct then why almost every
country has given a right to the citizen where they can marry according
to their choices? Looking at the recent past majority of the marriages
is still arranged & this is certainly not because it is the most
competent system but because people didn’t have the courage to go
against the society and the family. They wouldn’t think to do anything
which is against the tradition laid by their ancestors and would
ultimately sacrifice their life for the betterment of their children.
But the young generation who is not only concerned about the society and
the family but also has an eye for their life and their choices…this
change in the view has resulted in the increasing number of love
marriages.
Love marriages:
Love marriages came
into existence as a silent outburst against the traditional marriages.
Incompetency factor was completely wiped out as the partners before
going off to marriage knew a lot about each other. There is a better
understanding between the couple and thus is considered as more
effective then the arranged marriages. It gave the adults the right to
choose and look beyond the age old thesis of the society. But it has
raised concern to the family and the society, as our parents and a
society as a whole fail to go with the thinking of the youth and are so
obstinate about their traditional ways as such today also love marriages
are looked down by many societies. Irrespective of their disapproval by
the society love marriages have grown from strength to strength.
Acceptance of love marriages among today’s youth is mainly because
marriages are more crucial to the couples concerned then the society as
they have to commit themselves for their life and it's worth a point to
go against the obstinate rule of the society as it’s about their entire
future.
I don’t give a damn to the society but still there is one
thing that I cannot ignore and it's parents. As love marriages have
grown joint families have given way to nuclear families but most
importantly in selecting their partner for life they are ignoring their
parents & leaving them alone to face the cruel world in old age.
It is very hurting to know that given a choice to choose between
parents and love. Today’s youth are going towards love. I am not against
love but leaving parents for love is certainly not a good option. That
is why I reverberate about the third category of marriages.
Most
of the people are confused when I am speaking about the 3rd category? Is
there a 3rd category where love as well as parents is given equal
importance? Actually there isn’t any clear cut 3rd category but a
submissive of the love and the arranged marriages. Still confused? Well I
am speaking of love which is seen in love marriages and then the
marriage which is arranged by the parents and the entire family. There
comes the next question is that possible? The answer is why not, most
of you must have read the two states of my marriage by chetan bhagat. If
you have the guts to fight for your love then why don’t you try and
convince your parents and other members of your family regarding your
love. Marriages are certainly made in heaven but a happy married life is
possible only when you have the acceptance and blessing of your parents
and other elderly members of your family. I am not against arranged or
the love marriages but if you ask my suggestion I will certainly go with
the 3rd category where there is love cum arranged marriage…I have a
strong feeling that if you are so much concerned about your love then
you should also be concerned about your parents accepting your choice as
a partner…thus in today’s world the mantra for a happy ‘love cum
arranged’ married life is first to stand upon your feet where you are
capable enough for your beloved in all spheres of life & then
approving both the parents of respective families to accept the other
person as your life partner…
Thus I would end my
discussion by repeating those famous words: “Marriages are certainly
made in heaven but a happy married life is possible only when you have
the acceptance and blessing of your parents and other elderly members of
your family, be it a love or arranged marriage.”
