Sunday, May 18, 2014

Relationship advice from my column on Cosmopolitan

1. We're having great sex but it seems that every time we see each other, we're naked. Have I just become this physical thing for him?
Depends. Making love is great but only making out is not. If along it with you spend quality time talking about everything under the sky then it’s not bad at all. No place can be better than being in the arms of your loved one. But do make it a point to indulge in other activities as well. Limiting yourself to only one thing makes it boring. 

2. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years, three months ago. He keeps calling and texting once a week saying he wants to talk. Even though I was very attached to him, our break-up was pretty ugly. Should I consider taking him back?
Depends what the text says. But don’t assume texting and talking means getting back. No harm in a casual meet. But if getting back is the case then give yourself ample amount of time to think through it. Last time was bad, this time may be worse. Give time time for some maturity to kick in.

3. I've been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks now but he never has time when I want to catch up. He's a lawyer, and works long hours and says he can only meet up on certain weeknights. Is he into me or am I being played?
M.K. Gandhi said, “Lawyers are liars” but that need not be the case always. Give him the benefit of doubt and some time and see how it goes. If he puts in a genuine effort to spend time with you then stick around, however if he makes you wait for too long to catch up then leave him. If he can’t make time for you now then probably he never will. 

4. I'm meeting my BF's parents for the first time; they've invited me over for dinner. I'm super nervous, what should I do? Should I take a gift or cook something? Help!
I would suggest neither. The best thing you can do is to put your best foot forward. Look great and wear a million watt smile. A wonderful, warm and charming personality is all you need to sweep someone off their feet. The gifts and cooking can come later as a surprise slowly and steadily. That will keep them looking and wanting for more eventually deciding things in your favour. 

5. I've been kinda seeing this guy on and off for a couple of months now and his birthday is coming up. What can I get him without seeming like I'm going overboard, but still letting him know I care?
Guys all around the world crave for someone to understand them and be there with them through the thick and thin. Give him that assurance. Probably if being vocal is difficult then let a greeting card do the trick. A lifelong friend/companion is the best gift you can give anyone. 

6. I've been my boyfriend for five years now. Whenever I bring up the idea of our future and marriage, he changes the topic or gets upset and says I don't trust him. Should I keep waiting or throw in the towel?
For many reasons than one, men no matter how strong they may be are very afraid of commitment esp. marriage. So this reaction is but natural. Try speaking to him casually about these things and understand why he reacts like this. Hear him out and decide accordingly.

7. I've had this sex fantasy about my boyfriend for a while now but I'm too shy to share it with him because I think he'll assume I'm a freak. What should I do?
Then don’t tell him as a narration. Present it to him like a game that could be both fun and immensely satisfying. In this way you could live your fantasy while he knowing none of it.

8. This colleague at work keeps stealing my ideas and presenting/emailing them to the boss before I can. Basically she gets all the credit at the end of the day and I look like an idiot. How do I get her to stop?
Apply the ‘Iron fist, velvet glove’ funda. Come up with a dumb idea that would drive your boss nuts but camouflage it as the coolest thing ever. Let her steal your idea and watch the show. Given the outcome she’ll never tread that road again. 

9. My BFF and I got into an argument a week ago and we haven't spoken since. We were both at fault so I could be the one to apologize, but I just don't want to be the one who gives in, again. It's always me. She never buckles. How do I make this work? Not talking to her is upsetting me a great deal.
Don’t let ego ruin a great and deep friendship. You should apologize, to put an end to your misery and partly because it’s your fault too. Once things are on the right track talk to her about it. Probably she has never seen things through your perspective. Your talking to her could strengthen the bond you’ll share and make it unbreakable.

10. I've been best friends with his guy for 5 years now, we went to college together and remained friends after. Recently, after a very drunk night, we hooked up and enjoyed it. But neither of us wants a relationship. Is this dangerous territory or can it be managed?
Friends with benefits’ no matter how convenient it may seem at the start doesn’t land up being so later on. Security, feelings, emotions, guilt all mix up to create one terrible cocktail which is terrible to taste and difficult to digest. It’s best to say bye now rather than being sorry later. But yes, if the relationship part could be given a second thought then there’s no reason why you’ll should be separate. 

11. I think my boyfriend is cheating on me. He's been working late, which is unusual, seems distant, and has been going out of town a lot. Do I have reason to worry or am I being paranoid?
It’s not right to doubt someone without some evidence. Today’s work pressures are sufficient to exhaust someone to the core. Probably an urgent assignment or tight timelines are keeping your boyfriend busy and distant. Call/text him when possible to know things better. Speaking directly to him is the best thing you can and should do. 

12. Every time I get into an argument with my boyfriend, he just shuts down and changes the topic. He doesn't even want to participate in discussing our different opinions or try to find a solution to the problem. He'll just brush it under the carpet. I just feel like he's trying to shut me down every time I have something to say. How should I handle this?
Identify whether this is a new development or usual. If it’s a new one then there must be something bothering him. If usual then try getting your point across without an argument. Understand his reasons and fears. A nice, relaxed, healthy discussion can work wonders. However if things don’t improve after umpteen attempts then it’s time to move on.

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